Duke Nukem Wiki

These are the quotes from the 1993 video game Duke Nukem II


Duke Nukem: I'm back!

TV host: Ladies and gentlemen, one of our nation's heroes has disappeared! While Duke was being interviewed on television about his new book Mr. Nukem was abducted by an unknown force. In other news, there's a four mile-wide UFO floating over Los Angeles. We'll be back after this commercial break with a cute little story about a three-legged dog who saved a baby.


Duke Nukem: Hey, where am I? What is this? This isn't TV!

Rigelatin commander: As the evil conqueror here, I believe it's my place to tell you why you're being abducted and will have to go through years of painful torture.

Duke Nukem: Sorry buster! No can do. I'll just break free, kick-butt, and be on my way...

Rigelatin commander: Mr. Nukem, please save your energy for the torture room. You see, you are about to take an important place in Earth's history.

Duke Nukem: Too late, Veinhead! I've already been immortalized by defeating Dr. Proton last year. But, what did you have in mind?

Rigelatin commander: Your BRAIN. You see, we're going to use our famous SuperMega EncephaloSucker to imprint your brain patterns on our X5G Thinkomatic War Computer. You're going to win a war against Earth for us.

Duke Nukem: So I'm just supposed to sit by while my brain patterns conquer Earth? Yeah, right.

Rigelatin commander: You won't have much of a choice, considering the end result is permanent, irreversible brain damage. Well okay, more like brain disruption. Oh, and you'll be in a perpetual state of pain without being able to move any limbs. We'd kill you, you see, but our religion prevents the interruption of suffering. Goodbye, Duke...

Narration: SWOOSH! Duke plummets to a convenient holding facility, where he awaits his almost certain doom at the hands of the evil Rigelatins.

Duke Nukem: Well, I guess I've had it. unless those dopes didn't remove my secret Explodo-Molar. Oh, man,--what a bunch of morons! And look...there's a gun locker right outside my cell! This is too easy!

End of Episode One[]

Duke Nukem: Well, blew away another incredibly evil superalien...ooh, man, there's no way outta here. I guess this is the end. Ol' Duke's finally done it. I guess I'll lean against this oozing, bulbous wall and wait for death. Hey, a secret passage! What luck! I hope there's something to destroy in here, I'm getting bored. Cool, an elevator! Wow I thought this was going up. Nope. Goin' down. Well, I hope the Rigelatins don't take off before I slaughter all the denizens of these dark, forbidding caves. God, I love my job.

End of Episode Two[]

Duke Nukem: Well, took care of that guy pretty easy. Man, not enough action in this hole. Maybe if I jump into this live volcano, things'll liven up. Aiieeeeee! I am so screwwwwwwed...

End of Episode Three[]

Duke Nukem: Damn, it's lifting off! Maybe I could stick out my thumb... No way to shoot my way in there. Gotta grab on and book somehow. As it heads for the vacuum of space. I am so screwed.

End of Episode Four[]

Narration: Having vanquished the leader of the Rigelatin Battlenaut Planet-threatener Symmetrocruiser Mark IV, Duke walks onto the ship's bridge. Experimenting with the controls, he seals the bulkheads on the rest of the forces he didn't obliterate. Wiping the gelatinous residue from the Captain's chair, Duke sits down triumphantly.

Duke Nukem: My own starship. I like this... Yeath this is me. There she is: Earth. She looks so blue, so perfect, so... vulnerable.... You know, now that the Rigelatins are toast, I could take over Earth... Hmm... King Duke... nah, it doesn't sound right. Too bad. Ah, well, it woulda been fun watching Detroit boil off into space.

Narration: THE END... UNTIL DUKE 3-D!

In-game quotes[]

Start of an episode: Welcome to Duke Nukem II!

Finding a rapid fire item: Hold down the fire button for rapid fire.


Only one line is spoken by Duke in this game. Others are given in the cutscenes. They are quite comical at some times.